The Nappy Cat Chronicles

Back when I was canonically obedient, I would worry endlessly about the virtue of my behavior. Would I go to hell for having lustful thoughts? Even if I have these thoughts all the time?

“Yes” was the only answer I could find so my ceaseless anxiety was without purpose. The affirmation that my mind was satan’s conduit should have clarified the destination to which I would arrive post-demise. However, my mind would cycle through the senseless notions that I was a good person despite my sinful nature and that I was a bad person despite my good nature.

Eventually, I realized that it was not a god who dangled the carrot. My so-called mentors and confidants hung the carrot on the rope and dangled it over my head. Once you realize your status as a patsy, you are better able to see the absurd little man who has wrapped himself in curtain that’s adorned with the face of christ.

Keep in mind my commentary as you read this:

[T]here was only one time in history that reflects where we are right now. There was only one time in history, according to these writings, where men were given in marriage to men, and women given in marriage to women.

Want to venture a guess as to when? No, it wasn’t in Sodom and Gomorrah, although that was my guess. Homosexuality was rampant there, of course, but according to the Talmud, not homosexual “marriage.” What about ancient Greece? Rome? No. Babylon? No again. The one time in history when homosexual “marriage” was practiced was … during the days of Noah. And according to Satinover, that’s what the “Babylonian Talmud” attributes as the final straw that led to the Flood.

…

But it can’t be yet, you say. You have a lot going on in your life? You’re getting married? Here’s how the New Living Translation describes that very sentiment in Luke:

When the Son of Man returns, the world will be like the people were in Noah’s day. In those days before the Flood, the people enjoyed banquets and parties and weddings right up to the time Noah entered his boat, and the flood came to destroy them all. – Luke 17:26-27

Happily going about as if everything was fine was what they did, too.

Blah, fucking blah, etc.

The world has been ending tomorrow since man first noticed that the big fiery ball in the sky surreptitiously disappears below the tree line. Countless yokels have fully purchased into this panicked notion and it’s likely that even more yokels legitimately believe that they can do something about it.

Here’s the real deal: You’re going to die. So live happily and reside somewhere where you can marry that man or woman without pappy christ’s watchmen looking over your shoulder. And all the better if he or she consents.