The Nappy Cat Chronicles

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories for PS2 is the second installment in the City Stories series and is second to San Andreas in terms of series advancement and depth. Just like in almost every previous installment, you are a gangster who’s doing it for his family. Your brother, Lance Vance, is a completely annoying compulsive liar who enjoys snorting other people’s cocaine. His bad habits gets you and him in plenty of trouble. But he isn’t entirely useless. During a few missions Lance functions as your wingman (though he can only shoot straight when your helicopter is level). So, unlike Liberty City Stories, you get to hang with your brother and fly planes and helicopters. In fact, there are fire and ambulatory helicopter missions.

The most salient improvement is the night driving. Unlike its predecessors, during the night hours there are few cars on the roadways and even fewer pedestrians. This makes unimpeded speeding a very digital possibility. It’s also very possible to get a few wanted levels at night and not get your business rudely interrupted by suicidal cops. During the daytime, however, there is still a ridiculous number of cop patrols and random sidewalk wankers.

The largest addition to the series is the ability to build an empire. The process of empire building includes destroying the car parked in front of the marked buildings, killing all of the gang members who appear, and purchasing the property. There are a variety of crime types your buildings can avail you to and every type has a series of mini-missions you need to complete. Although these mini-missions are not easy and usually entail running from the cops, SWAT teams, and/or rival gang members, the time and effort are worthwhile. The larger your empire and the more mini-missions you complete, the larger your stream of daily cash.

Weaponry and bullet proof vehicles are no longer relegated to Easter egg-type status. After you shoot and spend your way to a complete empire, the vehicles that spawn in front of your buildings become bullet proof. I cannot overstate how convenient this is. Not only are they fast, they can actually withstand the barrage of bullets you can dish out from the minigun you purchased at the nearby mall.

The main storyline accounts for only around 30% of the total gameplay. Your other duties include racing, completing the shooting range challenges, taxiing, ambulancing, firefighting, policing, boating, popping balloons, stealing cars for the impound lot, and all the miscellaneous hootenanny that has come to define the Grand Theft Auto series. Taken alone, the storyline leaves a lot to be desired. It’s a rehash but the overall gameplay takes this installment to the next level and, if it’s an indication of what’s to come, Grand Theft Auto IV is going to make men weep.

The Good:

• Car physics have improved
• Less police on the roadways
• Better traffic flow: No more random lane changers, cars don’t speed through intersections and honk at you incessantly, cars will stop before hitting you
• Dress selection, gun selection, and entering/exiting have sped up considerably
• Missions are mob missions (This concept was absent from GTA:III)

The Bad:

• Explosions really throw you off: If you think you can get away without being injured, don’t count on it
• Reloading while aiming doesn’t seem to flow
• The NPC’s don’t tell each other what’s going on and your boss doesn’t notice if you take out three carloads of rival gang member in one mission
• Being shot at while leaving Ammunation? Don’t shoot back inside the doorway or the clerk will shotgun you in the back
• No crouching/climbing/swimming and no rolling/walking while aiming
• You need to press L3 to activate free aim
• Sometimes the garage door won’t open (this is nothing new but it would have been nice to have it fixed)
• No learning curve
• Sacrificed graphics and framerate for speed

The Ugly:

• Your car will regularly disappear during pre-mission cutscenes

Regardless of the bad and the ugly, GTA:LCS is enjoyable. Because it’s essentially a PSP port (and costs $20), flawless gameplay can’t be expected. But, it is disappointing that the basic controls and character maneuvers of GTA:SA are missing.

If you’re a diehard GTA fan and can forgive programmers, this is for you. If you’re a casual fan who has never really gotten too far into any GTA game, GTA:LCS may be short and fun enough to hold your attention. If you’re somewhere in the middle, donate your $20 to KEXP.

Originally posted on GTASanAn.com

A few months ago, Barton Waterduck discovered a few sections of unused code in the PS2 version of San An for the girlfriend “missions”. With a bit of memory hacking and such, he discovered these removed portions of mission scripting were to not only put the camera inside the girlfriends’ house when you stop in for “coffee”, but also to make a little mini-game of it. Now, with the magic of user-editable files on the PC, PatrickW was able to unlock the uncensored “coffee” segments for all to play with. Here’s a few screens, but be warned, they might be a bit on the NSFW side…

I caught this story on /. and now, of course, GTASanAn is running slower than Jesus, my wonderfully obese Mexican neighbor.

If you’ve ever played GTA: San Andreas on one of your consoles or on your PC, you are well acquainted with the “date” scenarios. In case you aren’t, CJ is able to take a woman out on dates to restaurants and for rides. When the progress bar reaches a certain level, CJ’s girlfriend invites him in for some coffee AKA sex. Normally you’re only able to hear her moans and CJ’s commands. But now, with the Hot Coffee Mod for the PC version, you’re able to see, hear, and direct.

And check out these slightly censored screens:

Video is here: