Paradigms and Our Minds Around Us

Our minds operate by paradigm whether we like it, or not.  We create maps as to how we and the world around us work.  Usually, we assimilate information from varying sources, then plan and act accordingly.

Will and I have discussed events abstractly to this in a recent correspondences. These paradigms are important to be aware of because when the world, or other events, don’t go the way we thought they would, we deal with feelings of rejection.  But, I think if we are aware of the paradigm, and aware of why we feel the way we do, that leads us one step closer to closure, and more importantly evaluating and adjusting (if need be) our paradigm.

When dealing with relationships, the mind starts to get used to these thoughts. A paradigm forms. Now, through practice and osmosis of colegial friends and good memories, one could think to themselves that a relationship is definitely possible with someone.

The problem occurs when you make that venture because the paradigm shows that you can. Everyone has told you that you are awesome. Then, bam, it doesn’t go that way. The paradigm is shown to be lacking. If I were awesome, then why didn’t it work out? Your mind starts to wonder how it all happened. Is the paradigm wrong? Was there something else I missed?

Now, all of a sudden, despite the length of time before hand when you were fine, your thoughts wander. For lack of better answers, you start to chip away at yourself. Now, no matter what circumstances abound, it’s you who’s on trial. This is how the mind works when it looks again for grounding. This is why when in the dumps you’ll see people contact their exes looking for meaning, yet again. What happened back then? What did I do wrong?

When one’s paradigm is hit hard, it takes an exceptional amount of time to either find the circumstances surrounding why everything happened the way it did, or convince your own self that it didn’t matter in the first place.

Or, what happens if you’re seeking acceptance from a religious group.  You go through all the steps to be “saved,” only to find out later that they express you still aren’t quite accepted.  You still, apparently, have a ways to go.  The entire paradigm they feed is that of acceptance and growth within a community.  So, if and when they all of a sudden decide to state that they don’t think you’re into it, imagine what a mind job that is.

Once again, you go through an entire process of trying to reconcile the messages you were being fed, with the actions that happened later.  Again, you are now thinking to yourself, where did I go wrong.  Was it my wrong interpretations of their statements?  Did they go back on what they said?  Have I erred in my actions?  When we start asking questions like these, it’s easy to feel hopeless and ungrounded.

And those questions work in both scenarios, and tons of others.  That’s how you feel rejected.  It’s being lost in between two paradigms and trying to find out if either one of them was right.  Alas, it’s no wonder how statements like, “It is what it is,” come to be said so often.  I have no doubt people are willing to say anything to move on from such a thought process.

But maybe in figuring out that this is the thought process, we can actually start to understand how normal these emotions are and that this is the exercise our mind and psyche is currently going through.

Sure, it will get better, but we have to relearn how to think about ourselves again.


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