Those Dirty Little Girl Scouts!

Hi! My name is David, and I am a Thin Mintoholic. Every year, or, more recently, every other month in malls everywhere the Girl Scouts of America seem to be hitting up all of the shoppers and workers who, through denial, are addicted to the dreaded Girl Scout Cookie. I should know, because I am one of them. At first, I thought I just really liked those Thin Mint Cookies. Then, later, I found myself craving them. More recently, I found myself buying more of them. And currently, I am to the point of inhaling them. I am beginning to feel like an addict.

After telling one of my few friends about this, he suggested the theory that there are some form of drugs laced with in them. Then, after I stopped listening, he ranted on about a possible Girl Scout Cult much like the cult-classic movie The Wicker Man, but without the whole burning some guy alive deal. I can see that, and maybe, they should burn Nicholas Cage, not to mention the remake! But maybe he was right about the drug thing. They have to be doing something, since the Thin Mint craze seems similar to that whole Chocolate Cravings you ladies get. And I tried to just say "no". Those drug commercials always make it sound easy to just say "no!", but are the producers of the commercials on anything? Try saying "No!" to a bunch of cute little girls with the worst marketing skills offering cookies that you can't buy in your average grocery store. That is what I thought, you can't! Because once you do, they get upset and a woman built much like Roseanne confronts you for hurting a little girl's feelings. There is only one thing to as many as you can and pray they don't stake themselves out in front of your workplace or any place you have to go to. So why am I mentioning this? I bought four boxes today, and possibly tipped them with the leftover change! Those boxes only lasted three hours.

So am I not supportive of the Girl Scout Cartel, I mean. of America? Of course I support them! I think I am just upset over the fact that it is competing with my Cheez-It addiction, and friends, that draws the line! So there is only one thing to do, avoid anyone wearing bright green vests, especially if they are not taller than four feet. You can take it a little further, which would mean that some of you will never walk into a Publix again. Deep down inside, I know that at least half of you have the same problem. If there are any ex-Girl Scouts out there, we know what your up to. Just don't add the Cheez-Its to your campaign, and I will survive!


P.S. There is a shot called "A Dirty Little Girl Scout" that tastes like a Thin Mint Cookie. Bailey's and Crème de Menthe.


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