Communication Breakdown: Not The Led Zeppelin Song

[In this installment of George Likes Squirrels, a completely wasted Skibicki ponders the language of love.]

Skibicki Research is alive and well in case anyone is worried. And it is back with a vengeance like a Chunk Norris movie bringing more hope in the world for unanswered questions such as "Why is there another Tickle-Me-Elmo?." Either way, I was having discussion with friends of mine about that bad communication between the sexes. These thoughts always seem to appear after loosening up after some drinking. So sober Skibicki Research is here to tell you that there is hope to understanding each other, and that Men are not from Mars and Women are not from Venus. We really are a little closer than that. It is more like men are from Alabama and women are from New Jersey. That is a scary thought. Really, there are times when I personally witness men and women in relationships actually understand each other without using more than two words in a sentence. I like to call them "Secret Languages" because the only thing that comes close to it is "Morse Code". And I highly doubt that anyone uses Morse Code in a relationship. If you do, seek help.

So why are these "Secret Languages" so secret? They can be embarrassing. You have all seen it and heard it before where two people are close together speaking what appears to be baby talk. And most of us guys deny that we do such things. We are too manly for that and that is why I am not going to tell anyone that one of my Secret Languages was just the word "Meep". Damn, I said it anyway! I used to say "Meep" to my girlfriend in different ways and we both figured out how we felt about each other. Example: Meep, meep meepty meep, MEEP. That could have meant "I love you" depending on how it was said. (Someone is never going to talk to me again!) But I am not the only one out there. I have heard everything from boo-boo, snoodles, izzies-izz, kitty meows, and punkinies! I have no idea what any of them mean. And Skibicki Research has not found any definitions in my updated 1934 dictionary. But, for communication purposes, it works!

But wait! Secret Languages do not stop there. For some reason other than Polish Power, the secret languages get out, and new word are invented for the good or bad of humanity. If you find yourself inventing words, you might want to explain them before you get in trouble. This is probably the origin of our modern day insults. George W. Bush is commonly in trouble about this. He is commonly caught inventing words during Press Conferences. Maybe, that is why Iran is upset with us. One of his invented words means "poop-head" in Iranian? Who knows! But, my dad is also guilty of inventing new words such as the famous "phlonger." I am only guessing at the spelling here. According to the Skibicki Secret Language that is as old as 1984, a "phlonger" is another name for the T.V. Remote. It is no wonder why my friends did not visit me in High School. They were threatened by Enlightenment!

Anyway, there is one more secret that actually makes a major difference between men and women, because translation gets lost very easily. I have noticed that when men compliment women, they deny that whole thing. We really did mean it. It was not, in fact, a joke. It is one of the few times we really are not lying. So be happy about any compliments you receive, ladies. As for why you may doubt us, it might be how us guys compliment each other. WE DON'T! Insults are the best compliments to us guys on a guy-to-guy level. We are only limited to one complimentary word in the dictionary, which is "handsome". Just remember that guys act oppositely together than when with girls. When we say to each other "I hate you" it means you are a cool friends. If we say "I hate you" to women, we mean that. Sorry!

In either case, if it takes a secret language to make everyone happy, maybe we should all learn Latin or something. Because the "snoodles" scares me. Meep!



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