The Nappy Cat Chronicles

Well, once again, David T. Skibicki am jobless. And like most people who just realize that they get an unexpected day off, I watched Star Wars. Yes, I am a Geek, but a lot of you are closet geeks. It happens! Of course, I did not plan to watch Star Wars at first. It was after I watched Star Trek, when I got the urge. I am sorry to offend any of you Trekkies out there. I really don’t know what the deal is. In the beginning of each Star Wars, it states: “In a Galaxy far, far away….” Star Trek is not-so- far away. Of course, both raise a few questions? What happens when a ship at Warp 9 hits an uncharted planet? Does the Federation have insurance? Is it Geico?

Either way, the people you should be mad at are the television corporations. During the Star Trek show, they interrupted it with commercials to tell us about Star Wars: Episode III. Darth had many “episodes” in his life. What really got me to watch Star Wars was based on the commercial. Somehow, the one of the darkest events in the whole Star Wars series had a very cheerful commercial. So I felt I should update my last viewing of Star Wars, because I thought I missed something. I was under the impression that the dark side was a bad thing. Spock was screaming that the commercial was, in fact, not logical. So Skibicki Research had to look into it.

It is amazing how much details you can forget in movies you haven’t seen in awhile. I started from the beginning based on the George Lucas’ timeframe. I started watching Luke Skywalker with his 1970′s hairdo. I had to confirm that Darth Vader was a bad boy. Needless to say, nothing changed. The dark side was still as bad and evil as Hillary Clinton and Martha Stewart combined. Besides, Episode III had upgraded to a PG-13 movie. How amazing! I was hoping for a NC-17 version, so I can laugh at all the children who can not see the movie. I am sorry; that was mean. They will never use that NC-17 as a rating. It was better when it was the letter X. At least it sounded evil and sinful.

So I watched all the way through to the slight end of the series, and then had a flash back to 1985, I mean, Episode I. So I had some Star Wars questions. They are more of concerns. I’ll just let it out!

1. If Darth Vader had the dark side on his side, couldn’t he use it to breathe better?
2. If Luke and Leia got it on like what I thought might happen, how could you explain that to you kids?
3. Anakin Skywalker was a strait out creepy character. He probably used the force on her.
4. And to the most bothersome thing, if I ever saw Yoda dish out an ass whipping like that, there would be no way I could wait up for him. He could just walk faster.

Sorry about that. But to make it fair for you Star Wars fans:

1. If Spock was all about logic all of the time, why would he hang out with humans? Stupid is as stupid does.
2. If no man has even been there before, why are they risking Warp 9? Where was Spock to object to that idea?
3. Did Scotty ever fix anything himself?
4. Did the crew ever get annoyed with Data?
5. Why was George Clooney never in any Star Trek movies?
6. Oh, Star Trek: The Next Generation movies are $1.99 at Big Lots in Troy, NY, but I did not tell you all.

Either way, I do look forward to the new Star Wars movie, but if it turns out to be cheerful like the commercial, I am coming after you George! Live long and prosper,

Skibicki