The Stress Busters

With the wonderful world of Christmas threatening our flanks, stress has been a big issue for all of you holiday shoppers. And it is worse if you work in retail such as myself! But there is hope according to my job at Boscov’s! Yes, another memo from the Capital BlueCross as been issued about the very problem of STRESS, the King Kong of all retail problems. I actually had to fight hundreds of coworkers to get myself a copy of this memo, and I got a paper cut for it!

The title is "Stress-Busting Tips." Pretty cheesy! Since I know you are all dying to find out how to defeat the stress in our lives, especially around Christmas time, here it is!

  1. Don't go out, EVER! Just kidding. That really is not on the memo!

  2. Try Some Deep Breathing: Now, this seems silly to do, but they believe this works. Unfortunately, for some of us retail workers, the reality is that we are always breathing deeply. Some of us might consider this a dangerous move, because they might not be able to breathe! But they suggest that you breathe in for five seconds and then to slow exhale your stress away. So my conclusion is that air equals stress, right? So maybe, we should just stop breathing all together.

  3. Take a Mental Health Break: HAHAHAHA! I am sorry, but there are people I work with that are on a permanent mental break! The idea is to have time for yourself to do the things you love, such as being off from work, reading a book, writing in a journal, painting, playing with your G.I. Joe collection, or gardening. Question: What can you plant under five inches of snow?

  4. Remove The Clutter In Your Life: This one is my favorite one, because it suggests to you to go clean something like your house or your work place. If cleaning at work was a stress relief, I would suggest everyone to work at a Boscov's, because I would be 100% stress-free!

  5. Plan Ahead: This is one that is for you shoppers out there! Just remember that 99.9999999999% of drivers out Christmas shopping are jerks, and you will be able to plan ahead from there.

  6. Laughter Is The Best Medicine: For some people, this is like pulling teeth and I am not a dentist. Yes, laughter does wonders! Joking around, and reading comics are great. The memo even mentions I Love Lucyreruns..? Laughter is the last line of stress defense that prevents you from coming to work with an Uzi. Somehow, this was on the list as number 7:

  7. Cleaning still overrides fun!

  8. Be Good To Your Body: Exercise and diet. That is what work it for!

  9. Create Peaceful Mental Images: Such as compacting your boss in a cardboard baler......No, they say that imagining being somewhere else is a great idea. You may have seen someone actually do this at work and made fun of them because they were staring at the wall drooling pretending that they were at The Neverland Ranch. They suggest that we imagine our favorite places such as our beds or your favorite park, favorite vacation spot, or McDonald’s. It all works! Be creative!

But like all memos that give me paper cuts that stress me all day, there is nothing more. That is it for Stress-busting. If you know of where any stress is located, call the Stress Busters at 1-800-S-BUSTER. Have a less stressful day!



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