Oh Influenza! What I Always Wanted!

Merry Christmas to all you people out there! For me, it was not so merry due to the gift that keeps on giving. Yes, I, David T. Skibicki, caught the flu. I would like to say that it was the bird flu, but the birds here are still healthy, so I guess I can't be that special. In my happy case, I had the wonderful stomach flu, which made my stomach seem like it was attempting take-off from an airport during a blizzard. Needless to say, it did not leave my body.

The good news from it was the early childhood memory of Mr. T in The A-Team.....oops, wrong memory! I remembered when my childhood friend in Florida named Brice got the flu. Now, I first took it that the flu was the past tense word of "flew" as in he went on a trip in a plane. Hey, I wasn't the brightest crayon in the box! I figured this based on the fact that you did not see the person. Also, my logic only heard either "He is sick" or "He has the flu." No one seemed to say that he is sick and has the flu. That was too complex for my small mind. This short sentence tactic was used in the 80's in parenting to prevent kids' heads from exploding due to too much information. This may explain the origin of where that irritating childhood phase comes from where kids ask constant questions about everything and anything, and the explanation response is always "Why?" So I asked him after he felt better where he went to? He was confused; I was confused.

So for all of you who are confused about what the flu really is, Dr. Skibicki is here to give you the scientific hoedown! According to some massive research, The flu, also known by it's real name of influenza is a respiratory infection. On one website, it is known to "Knock you off your feet!" like it was Mike Tyson or something. It symptoms appears to be body aches, chills, dry cough, fever, headache, sore throat, and the stuffy nose that usually brings the Bert and Ernie out in everyone. Needless to say, I guess, I lied! According to Dr. Skibicki, the Stomach flu is not the flu. It is the Diet Coke of the flu. It might even be caffeine-free! Dear God, no! To carry on, you can get the flu as easily as catching a re-run of Law & Order. This can be achieved by hanging out with people who are coughing and sneezing like I did, touching surfaces that are infected, or by doing various things while touching hands with you nose and/or mouth. I am not sure what that means; use your imagination. Mostly, influenza tends to get everyone in large crowds such as schools filled with germed-up heathens. You remember that too, don't you?! Pretty much, the flu is just like any other sickness you seem to get over and over. There are thousands of different types that you can only get once. Of course, after you get all of the thousands, another thousand or so are made. The battle is never ending.

Like all websites that dedicate themselves to our seasonal friend, they say that you can prevent it by taking a flu shot. I say Tylenol Flu & Cold! Somehow, I hear it in every work place where the employees every year can have an appointment to let sick, evil nurses with needles stick you with none other than influenza! And every year, half of those people get sick like instant coffee! The word of the game is that they inject you with so-called "dead" flu viruses. This, in turn, tells the other viruses to avoid this human being, because his or her white blood cells are psycho killers and had already murdered their kind. It is the same theory about going into Newark after dark. It has already been established that if you are white, nice, wearing anything brighter than black, listen to Britney Spears, or own anything nice, you probably should not go there. Unfortunately, the nurses have the flu before that is injected into your body, thus giving you the flu! It happens.

I guess my only real complaint is that it always had bad timing. I have always had bad timing for sickness. On my last day of school in 7th grade, I was too sick, thus leaving my yearbook with no signatures of people I still don't talk to today. I got sick on my birthday a couple of times. Now, I have been sick for Christmas. I have been sick for Thanksgiving. And I get sick a lot on sunny days during the summer, because I am special that way. The only thing I can say about getting sick that is good is watching who else gets it from you. I never know who I get it from, but it is good to share my gifts amongst friends. Oh, by the way, happy wedding anniversary, Mike Blum! That is what you get for making fun of me in my sick pain at work! Just say sorry to your wife for me.

Since I can still infect people, I am sorry in advance. They said nothing about networking. Have a great New Year, and send this to you friends or enemies! To Your Health,


P.S. According to Dr. Skibicki, I had Viral Gastroenteritis aka V-MasterG!


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