Sprechen Sie Deutsch?

It is amazing how small things can bring up memories. In this case, I was working in my new job called Boscov’s .They actually have a cheesy slogan on a bag stating "Did you Boscov’s today?" I apparently forgot to, but I was still working rather hard for the beginning of the day. My boss was yelling at me when I could not read a label. He has convinced himself that I have a brain of a squirrel, but after he saw the reason, he could understand. The Boscov’s Main Warehouse in Washington. D.C. decided to send a box labeled in none other than French. They also sent a box from the Canadian Wal-Mart. I won't go there. So for the alternative language, they picked the best one for us: German. They were pots in the box.

It had me thinking of all of the times I parents asked me when I used German. Usually, the answer was along the lines of "I don't", but I chose to learn the language slightly anyway. Back in the days of high school, I could have gone for the other choices as most schools have: Spanish, French, or Latin. But I wanted to be different. I heard that German was suppose to be fairly easy compared to the other languages. I thought about learning Spanish, but everyone I had met who spoke Spanish as their first language usually refused to learn English. And French was tempting for being the language of love, but I never had any game with the ladies to begin with. Latin, What's the point? So I decided to be the Nazi of the school and learn German while working for the Hitler Youth: Wal-Mart. You cannot deny that!

As the facts of life go, I learned German fairly well, but I had an evil teacher for German. Just imagine the Wicked Witch of the West on PMS after doing her taxes. That would have been a good day. She took out all of her 1040 forms on everyone in German. Everything was graded in her class as a test. Homework, quizzes, tests, and finals. Here, they were all equally worthless, unless you some how passed her classes. I did with a 70 after making straight A's from a day I forgot to do homework. Das ist doof!

After those fatal days of high school, I thought I was spared from languages until I went to Coastal Carolina University. Being the smart person that I was, I took German. It was really neat to hear what my parents said about my decision, but that is why I have Polish Power. Wisdom, who needs it! But it turned out to be very fun. Not only did I get to know German better, I discovered other great things like what curse words to use and other practical uses of Jaegermeister. Apparently, it was a medicine before 1938. And yes, you are probably wondering about the curse words too.

But I must admit that there are not very many insulting words. If you would like to learn an “insulting” languange, you will have to learn Russian. Apparently, they have curses that can be as long as four pages. They might go something like this: I curse you mother four times over in the grave while spanking monkeys with squirrels screaming like the Wicked Witch of the West doing her taxes on PMS, and I hate you!

There is actually a book devoted to Russian cursing. I saw one after being yelled at by a Russian girl I knew. I wanted to know what she said. After realizing how much work it would take to find out, I asked her Russian friend. It is not worth repeating. But, the translation would be great a response to the French-Canadian/German pots!



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