Is It An Emergency?

It occurred to me the other day after nearly breaking my hand at work that almost anything can kill you. Though, it might seem possible, I am sure that even a hop can kill you, but I'll still keep drinking. I feel so much better due to my recent enlightenment for one of my few fans of six. That maybe pushing it! Either way, the Reign of Terror ended today when John Myers found the actual definition of a hop. He sent the following:

Main Entry: hop
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English hoppe, from Middle Dutch; akin to Old High German hopfo hop
1: the ripe dried pistillate catkins of a hop used especially to impart a bitter flavor to malt liquors
2: a twining vine ( Humulus lupulus ) of the mulberry family with 3-lobed or 5-lobed leaves and inconspicuous flowers of which the pistillate ones are in glandular cone-shaped catkins

So in celebration of this new found information, I am going to have a beer!

But I must admit that I have learned quite a few new things. It might be the most learning I have done since 5th Grade! From Bin Laden to ball-point pens, with a threatening world upon us I got my first medical insurance through the local Blue Cross, which is called the Capital Blue Cross.

They do this to make sure you do not confuse it with any of the other Blue Crosses like the one in New York City. Albany, New Yorkers! What can you say? I got stuck on one of the many pages of my plan much like I did with See Spot Run. This one page was labeled: Is It An Emergency? Due to the growing population of stupidity, Capital Blue Cross thought it was important to inform us of these signs to tell weather we should go to the doctor or the emergency room, because it could be a coin toss?
Here it goes:

Some Reasons to be treated in the emergency department or call 911:

  1. Chest pain

  2. Trouble breathing

  3. Very high fever

  4. Deep cut or bleeding that won't stop

  5. First time seizure

  6. Severe seizure

  7. Broken bone

  8. Major injury, such as a car accident

  9. Severe pain

  10. Unconsciousness, unusual sleepiness or confusion

  11. Abuse such as a beating, stab wound or gun shot wound.

(I am not making this up!)

And with that, I some raised hands. Can you call 911 while you are unconscious? How do you know when you are having a seizure for the first time? Do people actually have to think about whether they should see a doctor after a gun shot wound? And I guess that is what scares me. There were actual stupid people who having a hard time deciding. I just like the "such as a beating" part. Of course there is much more!

Sometimes it's better to call your doctor or clinic for......

  1. Earache

  2. Toothache

  3. Rash

  4. Colds, cough, sore throat, flu, or sinus

  5. Minor headache

  6. Minor cooking or household burn

  7. Sunburn

  8. Back pain that you have often

  9. Broken cast

  10. Teething Baby

  11. Stitches that need to be taken out

  12. Medicine refills

Before you are let loose with questions, I have to state that this is for "at-work" emergencies. Keep this in mind, because you never can tell when a teething baby may strike at work. Sure, they are cute and harmless, but if you ever seen the movie, It Lives, you will know better. So there! Questions? When was the last time you went the doctor for your teeth? Under household burns, can we get workers' compensation for that? They say Teething Baby, but do they come in packs like wolves? If so, what is the best protection?

So, there you have it. It is important to have health insurance in case of such events as a beating or your first seizure. If you do have a seizure, please, write to me to tell what it feels like for future reference. Oh, and call 911!


P.S. If you want a copy of this page, just write me.


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