A Word To Your Mother Nature!

It a occurred to me at work earlier today that my store has too much trash. I am not declaring a record-breaker here, because there is someone's story out that who beats every work place. Of course, I must admit that I am a horrible, horrible person. I do not really recycle. And this guilt has certainly been reinforced. Movies have always shown the Northeast to be full of dirty slobs; but, I must defend them! Recycling is at an all-time high in New York. Every grocery store up here seems to have a recycling station where mindless zombies stand in line to toss cans down a shoot to a get a nickel. The only places I have ever seen this happen before was at the local DMV and those change collectors that receive guys with Buick-sized jars of pennies. So recycling seems to be cool thing up in the Northeast.

But we, as Americans, do have a problem with waste. We just can't help it! It is our job! So environmentalists, hear me out. It is not my fault! Let us take a look at our current recycling products. I have no problem with glass or paper, but I have to say something about the plastic. Before you burn down my home, I hate plastic bags! It has been a trend ever since my first job at a Winn-Dixie. Recycled grocery bags! The name almost spits at you with failure. This is my thing, recycled bags help the environment by slowing the plastic waste in trash, but when those cheaper, weaker bags breaks all of my groceries, it made the same amount of waste in seconds instead of hours. Besides that, the movies made me do it!

It is true. I had noticed that after watching the movie remake of War Of The Worlds starring Tom Cruise that the human race will always prevail. You can't argue against that! You could tell the world that spitting your gum out of you mouth could cause a chain reaction that could take out an area the size of New Jersey, and someone will at least try it. The movies are proof to this. Look at the movie, The Day After Tomorrow. That movie states that we can nearly destroy our own planet and it will be OK! because we survive in the movie. War Of The Worlds reminded me that all of the bacteria in my bathroom might save me from an onslaught of alien race from outer space. And to think I used Comet against all of my bacteria buddies! Just remember that recycling is a good thing! And if your bag breaks, blame it on taxes!


P.S. Who was the idiot that decided to recycle toilet paper? Run and hide!


Popular Posts