Meanwhile, While Working In The Labor Camp......

As I had mentioned earlier last week, I now have another job. Like most jobs, there is always that long transition that you have to endure where you are called the "New Guy" like it’s some Vietnam War movie. "Ah, who cares about him. He's just the new guy." And as a "New Guy" I have to worry more about doing things stupid. I still do not know what all my bosses look like. Normally, I would not bothered by this, but once you do all of the receiving junk that I do, I still have to wait for customer pick-up. There might not be any on a particular day, which means I sit around waiting for someone to buy something. That might not happen for a whole eight-hour shift. Scary.

So what does my slight boredom at work have to do with anything. Newspapers! I have read seven full newspapers since I started this job. I never read whole newspapers. But now that I have, I realized that the free press, which cost $2.00 a paper, is running out of ideas and news. Example: Somewhere in Johnstown, NY, researchers discovered that water rises quicker in developed areas than undeveloped. Raise your hand if you heard this before. I read this exact story in the Atlanta Journal Constitution back in high school. Not to show my age, but that was nine years ago. So the people of New York are a little behind, right?

No, I am going to defend them. My theory is that Newspapers are rotating stories every year. We will hear more about the developing areas and how they cause flooding quicker than in the woods where no one notices. It will just be in a paper in Richmond, VA next year. Of course, you can only rotate so many stories. Iraq: The Massive Rotation. It is so easy. Just mention a bombing or Iraqis hating us, and mostly likely no one knows what is true. Really, I think that the press is rotating stories because they are being held back. I bet that they really want to go after China and how threatening it is. Or North Korea. They have probably been itching for it ever since General Tso’s Chicken was introduced to the US. Besides, I know that someone has at least questioned what kind of chicken they use. It can't be chicken.

During these boring times at work, I also found myself reading women's magazines. They are on another realm. I discovered that the cover stories are non-existent. I think the best one I saw was "Find His Most Value Square Inch" I know, I know, you guys are wondering what they are talking about, so Skibicki Research look up and down, and all around for that article. My conclusion came to what square inch? They must be mistaken; they meant square inches. Needless to say, I hope that the magazine is not the official way of finding things out, because it is nearly a mission impossible to find anything. Really, I could not read to much into them. It seems that women's magazines are more like perfume shops than magazines. They need to cut down on the samples.

So what did we learn today? If you miss a story in the newspaper, no need to worry. It will show up again. And women's magazines are like rat mazes with perfume. Oh, ladies, if you believe the square inch ideal, you might as well consider 40 lbs to be listed as overweight. And, just remember, when all else fails, there is always General Tso's Chicken.



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