Skibicki East Coast Tour 2005: Slave To The Traffic Lights.

It happened out of the blue where I was hit by the notion of a road trip. It had been a long time since I took one. The great thing about road trips is the fact that they can be for no reason. You can go to Alabama for Moon Pies, if you really wanted to. God forbid, why not? My friend, Berto drove a two-hour road trip to go to Myrtle Beach to eat take-out at his favorite Chinese place. They made very good General Tso's Cat, I mean, Chicken.

Most road trips seemed to have no purpose, but mine did. I recently got a job at this place called Boscov's, which sounds similar to soviet concentration camp. One could only dream, but they gave me enough time to drive from here to Florida and back if I needed to. But since I don't care for Moon Pies from Key West, I decided that I would go get the rest of my stuff that I left in Atlanta, GA and visit my friends. If you did not get to see me, sorry.

The important thing about the wonderful Road trip idea is the adventure. It was made to be fun for both the good and the bad. Of course, it is also a shared experience, but I had no one to drive with me on this one. Instead, I was forced to drive it alone through scenic New Jersey and all of the Northeast Traffic everyone loves. So really, the point of me writing is to give a hint on how my trip was driving.

There were several things I seemed to have learned on this last road trip, and I am going to spit them out randomly:

  1. George Michael is still alive!

  2. Cheez-Its from gas stations are always stale.

  3. Highway 17 that I drove on in Myrtle Beach, SC runs all the way up to New York.

  4. I discovered Caffeine-Free Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. They should just call it a completely different name, because it is not Dr. Pepper anymore. Besides, try saying that fast.

  5. The New Jersey Turnpike has full service gas stations.

  6. Don King drive a maroon Ford Tempo. I swear I saw him in Richmond, Virginia!

  7. Construction workers in North Carolina need to learn their lefts and rights.

  8. Aggressive driving is bad.

So in a nutshell, I did not learn too much. While I was driving, there where signs on the highway to Dial #77 if you see people driving aggressively. Personally, I am a little confused. I first saw this sign in the outskirts of New York City, but I thought you could not talk on your phone while you drive. It is against the law. So you actually have to break a law to inform that the law is broken? Just checking. But for you bad people out there like me, aggressive driving is bad.

MapQuest has to be run by aggressive drivers. They told me on my computer named "BOB" that Baltimore from Albany, NY was only a five hour and 34 minute drive. I was an aggressive driver the whole time, and I still was late. So, unless you are flying a jet at Mach 4, there is no way it could have happened. But aggressive driving is still a problem with most states. In Baltimore, they had put up signs that say: Aggressive Driving Monitored by Digital Imaging. If it wasn't the fact it was on a road sign, it sounds like an interesting photography company name. I can see it like it was The Geek Squad. My question is, do I get a photograph of my car with my ticket, or do I have to pay for it separately? Of course, my favorite was the new sign in front of Coastal Carolina University in Conway, SC. They not only tell you not to speed, but the list the exact amounts you will be charged for depending on your speed. So in a way, you can look at it, and say, I can pay for that, and justify your speeding. That would be the way to do it. Pay in advance for speeding so you can speed year round. Like the EZ-Pass System.

But what the most important things to learn about Road trips is to pay attention. I thought I knew the way home from Baltimore, but then, I drove through downtown Philly. Don't ask! On top of that, I missed a turn and sat in traffic for two hours outside of New York City. It was pretty bad. I ended up walking around my car, because we never moved. I was five cars away from an exit to turn around. So really, I feel we should nuke New York City to start over for scratch with the traffic issues. Either case, I am going to get a Moon Pie.



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