A Twilight Zone For A Mallrat.

There's nothing like it: The smell, the hallways, and the mindless people shopping. I love the mall! Malls are great. Where else in this world can you so easily measure society? In the mall, you see everyone from the bums to the recent men wearing pink fad. That is right! I said it! Apparently, it is okay for us guys to wear pink now. But hey, if we can take over Iraq, we can wear pink! I am not sure who makes these rules, but let me say this: It is okay for a male to wear pink if he has a hot girlfriend. If you are a straight male deciding to wear pink without the hot girlfriend, you might want to rethink that. But that is the great stuff! I have to say that I am usually pretty happy in the mall. It is usually entertaining, has beautiful women, and my favorite happy store: Hot Topic. I once went in there when they were playing “Happy Together” by The Turtles. That was a change! I am used to the Frank Zappa feeling towards music such as: “My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama!”

I used to somewhat think of myself as a Mallrat. But now, that is over. Just today, I became the dreaded enemy to the Mallrat. I am a mall employee. It is sad, but true. I went into a company that is called Boscov's. I have never heard of it, but it interested me based on the fact that it sounds like a Russian drill sergeant. Even it's location was new to me. It was like tripping on a landmine. Look, a mall! So how did I find it? I looked it up on Career Builder. This is one of the few times that this ever happens, but I called up from the job posting information, and they told me to come on down to the price is right, I mean, to come and apply. It is usually unheard of with Career Builder. It seems that you can put resume after resume into the Career Builder system, and it just eats them up like the Cookie Monster. Mmmmm Resumes! YUMYUMYUMYUMYUM!

So I went there with the idea of just apply. Ever since I left PCA, everyone from Wal-Mart to Home Depot seemed to take their time about things. I bet they are all playing poker with applications to see who they get. The Labor Department is probably the dealer. Anyway, this turned into an unexpected surprise. I got an interview, and was hired on the spot. They even wanted me for the suit department, and I was wearing an Allman Brothers t-shirt. Okay, underneath my dress shirt, but still, was I that much of a stud? There is probably a catch in the paperwork I signed like your soul belongs to Michael Jackson. But, hey, a job is a job. As long as Boscov's is not Russian for the Neverland Ranch, I am okay with it. So watch out you Mallrats, I am now a mall employee. So there! Buy Something!


P.S. The views of Skibicki are not intended to scare Mallrats, unless they have huge, sharp, pointy teeth. So please, ignore the last comments. Thank you!


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