Welcome To Wal-Mart: The Movie.

As another day went by in the local Wal-Mart in Albany, NY, I started to remember why I like it so much. It is a great target for subjects, and no matter how much everyone says they think that Wal-Mart is one notch above Satan, they still go shopping there. As AC/DC stated: "Hell ain't a bad place to be!" Today kept me entertained. I have just been promoted to Manager of the Albany PCA Studio that is in a Wal-Mart. Go figure! And I still do the same thing! Of course, like most of the time, I find myself with a lack of customers. I sit there handing out flyers to tempt customers in like children with candy. It does not work! Instead, I am looked at as some Alien with three eyes usually being ignored. It happens! What makes Wal-Mart always so entertaining are the events that go on. Today, I realized that there is only one Loss Prevention worker in the store. I was slightly shocked. How I found out was even better. A man came running down the front aisle with Mr. Loss Prevention following close behind him. It ended up as a tackle at the 55 yard line, I mean, in the women's clothes section. It was great! The police came and got him.

Ah, the memories! I remember the first experience with shoplifters at Wal-Mart. I had just got the job the summer before college working in the Lawn & Garden Department. I felt special, because I ran the register with the only laser gun. This was not exactly a high tech Wal-Mart. Either way, a couple of kids had an awesome way of shoplifting. As the loop hole goes, you will be arrested if you take something out of the store. But what about throwing it outside of the store? That is right, the kids decided to throw CDs they liked outside of the fence in the Lawn & Garden Area through a foot-sized gap in the top part of the fence. They decided to steal the same CDs in threes: that way, if one was run over by a car in the parking lot. I won't lie, I watched them do it for twenty minutes.

Of course, nothing is more amazing than the Wal-Marts in South Carolina. They are big, they are busy, and have illegal events everyday. I would watch some 30 to 40 people being arrested everyday while I worked in the Toy Department. And to my surprise, the police may now never leave, since Wal-Mart has a contract with Dunkin’ Donuts. They are taking over the Radio Grill, which never had a radio! But in either case, it seems that South Carolina had struck a deal with Wal-Mart: Fine shoplifters and spilt the money with the government.

If I am killed in some strange accident, my theory is true, and the restraining order against South Carolina failed. If you did not already know, Wal-Mart does not make that much profit from customers. It is all about the fines! Example: Bounced checks! I went to court one day for check fraud! I know, I know! Bad Skibicki. After having my bank at the time lose some money, I decided to get myself a pizza from Domino's. Keep in mind that I was told by the bank everything was fixed. So I assumed! Note: the South Carolina mailing system is as slow as snails, so I got an warrant for my arrest in the mail two months after my court date. So I went to court after paying Domino's $40 for one pizza I did not remember about six months earlier. Questions: What does this have to do with Wal-Mart? I am getting there! I went to court, which is a fun place to go if you are there for check fraud. It is a circus. People bring babies, wheelchairs, puppies, and other devices to sway the judge ruling about there case. So I was curious about why people where there, and I asked! Apparently, I was the only one that was there for something other than Wal-Mart. That is the other way Wal-Mart makes a profit! So There!

In either case, I feel that with all the stuff our local Wal-Marts deal with, it almost screams for a movie production. I can imagine a movie called "Wal-Mart: The Movie" There probably is one already made. These days, nothing surprises me! Wal-Mart does, in fact, have movies. Every time I worked at a Wal-Mart, I had to watch my favorite Wal-Mart movie: The Team Movie. Not another Team Movie! Yes, but it is not what you think. The point of the movie shown at first on how great you are for joining The Darkside. I mean, Wal-Mart. Then, it slips down hill like Japanamation! Unions! Wal-Mart is anti-union, because they feel the need to treat you like dog dung on there own terms. What I liked about the movie is that they make a 30 min, deal about the evils of unions? Truthfully, they kind of exaggerate! They make it seem like a James Bond film where everyone is after you, and they are union workers! Oooh! They even have them show up to your car while you are on break to sway you away from Wal-Mart’s grip. I am not sure what century the movie was made in, but they added color. I miss those movies!

So this is my official Wal-Mart advertisement that may result in a law suite. I used their name, but I could be promoting K-Mart/Sears. We won't go there! So remember, enjoy the experiences at your local Wal-Mart whether it is being a friendly, underpaid worker or a complaining customer. Be entertained you crazy shoplifters. Just remember to watch out for those union guys!



  1. Who is Batman?


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