Terminix Would Have Freaked Out My Mother.

I don't what really brought it up, but I was telling this lovely girl named Sarah about cockroaches. I know that it does not sound like a thing to really talk about on dates, but it came up anyway. I was having a memory lapse about an e-mail I first wrote entitled: "Girl In The Sexy Black Dress." Yes, those were evil times for me, but it was a trick title to talk about the Wonderful World of Cockroaches. As the scientists say, the cockroach has survived the test of time through all of the nuclear winters and ice ages the planet Earth has to offer. Yes, probably would survive the famous Raid product. Sad, but true! Cockroaches on the top on the hate list for most domesticated households. I am not sure why.

The first writing title of this event on cockroaches was about my mother. My mother was a pretty cool mom. Like most moms, she could tolerate many things from earthquakes to mold on the cheese in the refrigerator. She was the greatest. Somehow, nothing seemed to truly bother her. My brother, Mike, would bring home, snakes, lizards, frogs, and turtles. Of course, this would not faze my mom! But it was one sunny afternoon when my mom actually lost it. I remember sitting in the kitchen, when a rather large cockroach decided to crawl up the kitchen wall. If you do not know anything about the Florida cockroach, they are usually about an inch or seven. They seems to skip the biological clock cycle. My mom took the presence of the mighty cockroach as threatening. Maybe, she received sexual advance from it? My mom freaked out, and batted it off the wall. The next thing I see, she is tossing every cleaning liquid on the floor to drown the poor little cockroach. Of course, this failed, so my mom started to toss napkins across it. Then, she proceeded to smack it with the end of her high-heel shoes. Of course, the roach was like Rasputin, surviving all of the tortures only to be stepped on with the sound of a crutching potato chip, thus ending the reign of terror of the cockroach. It was a shame.

The feeling that my mother past was the cockroach feel though me. I was living in the Wonderful World of Myrtle Beach, when I started to have a roach problem. Let's get it straight ahead of time, Palmetto Bugs are cockroaches! Someone, thought it was funny to replace the name so it did not sound so bad. I know the difference. So why would I be afraid of the little cockroach? Well, one thing is that the common cockroach in South Carolina it the size of a beaver. Two, I did not expect the roaches to fly. Yes, they can fly! I am sure that this frightens someone! Of course, my apartment decided to have a roach problem. It was no big deal. Uravick the Turtle got the has some free protein! Go figure!

Well, I want you as a reader to experience my cockroach fear. Just imagine that you are sitting there quietly watching Dawson’s Creek. Don't ask. Imagine you are watching a wonderful program on TV when you are interrupted by a noise that sounds like bi-plane passing your window. Now, you know you must be on crack, because the window is, in fact, closed. It does not happen again in a few minutes. Then, you hear the same noise. You are now at that scary movie point of "What in the hell is that?" That is when you see it: a cockroach. Of course, if you are as stupid as me, you would name it instead of kill it. My roach was named Mervin. He would walk across the floor, but refuse to cross over any object. It was fun! I had him trapped in a box made of notebook paper. It would refuse to cross the paper. Who knows why? In either case, he invited all of his 40,000,000 cousins to my home. Uravick the Turtle wais not nice too them.

In honor, of my mom, all the cockroaches must die! She definitely would have lost it during those Terminix Commercials where the cockroach is on the screen. I wonder how much the cockroaches get for commercials? It is not important. Really though, be nice to the roaches; they mean no harm. They just are looking for equal rights!



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