My Name Is Squeak, Mr. Squeak!

Another day of work at PCA Studios passes by, and I am not fired from it. It happens! It is sad only based on the fact that I have been promoted to store manager of the Albany location, which is located in the Wal-Mart right next to the bathrooms. What can I say? Wal-Mart likes PCA that much! Not to point my finger at anyone, but the customers in the Albany Area are thieving bastards! You would have to understand why I am really upset. They stole my little rubber ducky. It is sad, but true. I used to call him the “Ben Aflac” Duck, since it is similar to the insurance company. It worked wonders and cost a total of 57 cents. It would also make parents laugh. I was proud of that! Also, my basketball was stolen, along with the football, two other ducks, my angel wings (later torn in half), and a background. I am a little confused about the background. Whatever. But the worst was the duck.

Really, I have to write a complaint to the makers of the rubber ducks. They do not squeak! I thought it was the point, but I bought two 88-cent ducks that did not squeak. This was a major disappointment to two-year-olds everywhere. Not like it mattered, because two-year-olds are upset at slight gusts of wind. So to make up for the upset little kids, I went on my search to find Mr. Squeak. I ended up finding him in the pet department. It seems that all of the cool toys end up in the pet department.

So who is Mr. Squeak? Mr. Squeak in a threatening little rubber mouse that is yellow. Much like Mr. Smith in the Matrix, he puts fear in the hearts of everyone. He is about the same size as my store's computer mouse, but works better, and squeaks loudly. I have to give props to the makers of this mouse. It was a dog toy. I am not sure the designer was thinking when he designed Mr. Squeak. It squeaks louder than anything I have ever heard. And they say dogs have better hearing than us humans. It has some goofy dimensions. It has his eyes crossed with big Mickey Mouse ears. That was a test. Disney has a mini-army of lawyers that drive around and sue people with Mickey Mouse-like products. It came with a label stating that children are not allowed to play with it. I think the makers thought that the children would choke on the mouse’s tail after shoving it's two inch tale down their throat. Whatever its reasons, the kids love Mr. Squeak! At least 60 different kids have tried to steal him. It is insane. If there were only more, I would buy them all to resell them for $4.00.

Anyway, Mr. Squeak has been a success! It is too bad he has not made the news or anything. At least , it did not get the same response as Ninja Rabbit, (a light blue rabbit with big, floppy ears). Don't ask! I must tell the story. As the story goes, one of the Wal-Mart employees refers certain customer's children as "gutter kids". On one particular case, a "gutter kid" I had to photograph had a new name for the common rabbit, so pay attention. According to the three-year-old, rabbits were called "Shit-Bags!" I am not making this up! It kind of caught me off guard, but he proceeded to tell me that is what his dad called them in the yard. I can see his point, I guess. So there you have it! Rabbits are officially renamed "Shit-Bags!" So there!



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