Why Can't You States Just Get Along?

Well, it happened again! I’m forced to write about the government again. It happens, but it is not what you think. Usually, people like to make fun of the federal government where such things as George W. Bush are such great targets! Well, I assure you that states have there own too. So what started this? I found out that after living my first few weeks up in the state of New York that South Carolina is stalking me. I should just issue a restraining order against her! According to the state of South Carolina, I am still living in their state without any car insurance. They send me a bill for $75 for the lapse of my car insurance. I guess Georgia forgot to mention certain matters, which figures! It is not like they are friendly to each other anyway! So I am going to say it! Thank God, the South did not win the Civil War! Some of you out there in the South are still upset perhaps. “The South was fighting for state rights!” Yes, the right to claim themselves as the root of all screw-ups.

As of most state related stories I write about, the DMV is our friend in this tale. The first mistake I discovered while moving back to Georgia was the lack of communication. According to Georgia, my father still owned my car, even though he sold it to me in South Carolina. Translation: there were two titles to my car existing at the same time. My dad and I could have sold my car to two different people legally in two different states. I thought that was pretty cool. I was actually thinking of listing a title for my car in each state just for fun. Maybe, that would start another Civil War.

What it comes down to is the fact that state governments run on state documents, which are usually lost and recycled to be used as that really horrible toilet paper used in rundown gas stations. It is not like they mean to be bad at filing; it is just the workers. Just for fun, name all of the government workers you know. I can think of one, Reggie, the mail man at my old house in Marietta. But he is a federal worker. The point is that no one either admits working for the state. They are slightly ashamed of it so they never have fun. And people who work at a place they hate lose paperwork. For once, I would like to see an overly happy DMV worker. It is not going to happen!

Let me explain how poorly state systems are ran! I have a fraternity brother named Lewis Marks. Lewis is normally a pretty laid back fellow being that he was the only black man from West Virginia. He once made the statement that he stayed in shape from all of the running from the Klan. It is messed up, but true: In the end, the Klan got him on his license. According to the South Carolina, Lewis Marks, does not, in fact, exist! It is true. In South Carolina, Lewis was required to bring with him a birth certificate to the local DMV. It is really a rat hole in the middle of the country, but it is a DMV. The lady there proceeded to tell him the bad news about his non-existence before me. I assure you that is was not pretty and could have been an episode on the Twilight Zone. She told him that, because his doctor's assistant signed his birth certificate instead of the doctor myself, so he could not possibly be Lewis Marks. It is amazing, but true. Of course, we will never know, since the doctor and his assistant are both dead. Either way, I am sure they would not have been able to recall a daily event as far back as a day in 1980. Hell, most people where just getting over the 1970's hangover! The good news is that he now has a great loop hole on how to get out of paying taxes!

So what did we learn today. State governments are stupid and cheaper by the dozen! But then again, most governments are! My favorite is how a state needs millions of dollars to destroy a bridge. Just go to Wal-Mart! You can find anything there to take out bridges! Of course, we can always look at prime examples of government like Governor Arnold in California. Either way, just remember: Stupid is as stupid does! Maybe, you could be governor, too!



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