St. Patty's Day Is For Lovers.

Yes, it is that time of year again when all the Mad Drunks claim their heritage from their Mother Country, Ireland. God help us! Yes, this Thursday is St. Patrick's Day! You thought I might forget, but I probably have some Irish in me as well. It is just that the luck part has not shown up in a while. Of course, this St. Patrick's Day will be different like last year's. Last year, I was fired from Subway ended my strong career as a Sandwich Artist. I was not that heart-broken, but it was over putting two more olives than I was suppose to on a sandwich. Oh, darn! In either case, this one is different, because it is lacking one element: Where in the hell is all the green! That is right! Mother Nature is not a drunk and does not celebrate St. Patrick's Day in New York, but all of the people do! All I can see is brown and white as far as the eye can see with exception of the weird pink house in the middle of Troy, NY! In the South, it may not be that green, but it was at least trying to be. It is like that sick joke where Greenland has no plants and Iceland does! Here, life in the form of plants is silent. I guess I will have to live with it!

In either case, the Capital Region is ready for another reason to get drunk! It shares it's excitement by talking about it two weeks in advance. It is like Christmas, but without the traffic jam, unless it is in front of a liquor store. I got to find out about more facts of St. Patrick's Day like the most Irish City other than in Ireland is Ocean City, MD. I can see that! They have lots of Bingo! 28% of population of Ocean City, MD is Irish. Does that not sound high? I always thought that Boston or Chicago would have beaten them by a long shot. Oh well! Shows what I know!

So what is the deal with St. Patrick's Day, anyway? I am glad you asked! According to most people, St. Patrick was a saint, go figure, who ridded the island of Ireland of snakes. Thus, St. Patrick started the first pest control business! Well, without causing to many bar fights and revolutions, Skibicki Research has discovered that that idea is in fact wrong. Just hold your fire, until I get you more angry to blame someone else. The History Channel suggests that St. Patrick was, in fact, not even Irish! He was British! He was born there, and somehow captured by drunken Irish Raiders and taken to Irish prison for six years. This could be the first act of the IRA, but I could be mistaken. Somehow, after trying to leave the country, he stayed. The Irish whiskey and women probably got to him, so he lost all motivation to swim to Britain.

I can see some questions arising! So what about the snakes, and what is the deal with the shamrocks AKA clovers? Well, I will also have to break the bad news! There were never any snakes in Ireland to begin with. As for the shamrock, clovers were considered a holy plant representing the coming of Spring. It was also a way of showing Irish pride to piss off the British that were ruling at the time. Good job, guys! St. Patrick also may have used the Shamrock to describe the Trinity idea in Christianity. So after quite a walk, St. Patrick received messages from God, so he became a devote missionary. He liked to use metaphors! Metaphor: A description of something with the use of a similar object or idea used for better understanding. He used a lot of them. Snakes just happened to be Pagan Religions. He was respected for blending Christianity with the culture of the native Irish. So St. Patrick's Day is a celebration of his death date on March 17th. In a way, that is depressing.

We seem to be skipping something?

Ah! How can we forget the little people! Leprechauns! Other than becoming one of the worst horror movie ideas in this century, leprechauns came from Detroit, I mean, Irish folklore as the word "lobaircin", meaning small people. It came from Celtic belief in fairies. Of course, these were evil, self-centered fairies that constantly tricked people to keep them from their Lucky Charms cereal. It did not work, but you can't say they did not try. Originally, leprechauns were never part of St. Patrick's Day. You can thank Disney for that! So leprechauns became a permanent addition to St. Patrick's Day. No wonder why they are grumpy! Can you imagine their drinking tolerance?

Anyway, I wanted to wish everyone a Happy St. Patrick's Day in advance, because we know that you are not going to be sober enough to read! Just have fun and watch out for the leprechaun rap. It is horrible, and be careful!


P.S. Happy Birthday, Michael Slattery!


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