Say Zoinks!

It is official! I am now another member of the Wal-Mart community once again! It happens! The good news is that I do not work for Wal-Mart. You are now looking at a new Level One Photographer for a company called PCA Portrait Studios. But I still have my name tag listed under Wal-Mart Portrait Studio to satisfy the Retail Nazi Giant. I figured that I could live with it, even if it seems like a derogatory thing. At least it is not K-Mart! But what I found is that if you are a male that would like to have a family one day, this is a great outlook on it. This is one of the few jobs where you get a one on one experience with the little demon children from the Children of the Damned to the wonderful cute kids that everyone seems to want to take home with them! I guess some kids are looked at like puppies. To bad, they grow up! And it is definitely work.

What I am listed as is a photographer, but like most jobs, there is a little more to it. I went through a good two week training to find out what it is about. According to the job title, I take pictures of people. Really, that is all anyone will really tell, but there is more. In truth, you are a Sales Associate / Photographer / Cashier / Babysitter / Safety Manager. As above, I would like to make something clear. There are no Children from the Damned. There are, however, their parents. I found myself during a photo shoot wondering if the parents really wanted the pictures done for their son or if they just wanted to be difficult. I think they were DMV Employees! Really, the worst part of the job are the two year old children. Mothers out there, take note: Don't bother having pictures done by of your two year old if there is a male photographer. For learning purposes, I will tell you why. At the age of two, kids start an amazing event! They learn their emotions and become very aware! Of course, you mothers never help. Somehow, two year olds start to notice who really is family and who is not! What is really the problem is the bad Karma us guys have. Have you watched the Lifetime Network! This is always classic. According to the Lifetime Network, to this day, all kidnappers happen to be us guys! So that is what we teach our children growing up. A stranger is always a male even in cartoons! As a reality, women are more responsible for kidnapping than males are. Reason based on the women who can't have children or lost a child. They may pick out a child that looks like their lost child or a child they dreamed of. It is sad, but true. Either way, I am a scary looking guy to begin with, so it does not help. It is not to say that I look like Rambo, but I could probably pull it off after some 6 months of constant weigh training!

Okay, enough of all the learning! I know you are wondering about the title. I watched for the first time in a while, Scooby-Doo. We all know and love Scooby-Doo! Where else are you going to find such entertaining characters with the munchies than with Scooby-Doo other than that movie "PCU!" Well, to my surprise, they remade another round of Scooby-Doo with the writer off the drugs. He should have never bothered! But to this day, there is still no child that is untouched by Scooby-Doo and their Scooby Snacks. I guess that is what bothered me. There were no Scooby Snacks in the New Scooby-Doo. In either case, I went to a new store in the Clifton Park, NY Wal-Mart, which had a computer system older than Scooby-Doo. It certainly makes this computer that I am typing on look like a the God of the Information Revolution! But it was okay, because I got to photography some very cute little girls that helped me discover the new word that makes kids smile. If it was not for the talking dog being the hit to watching Scooby-Doo, it was the phrases! I got to use the word, "Zoinks" as a way to get kids to smile today. It was great! Definition: Zoinks!: 1. An excited expression of surprise! 2. A cartoon way of saying Holy Shit! Of course, other great hits was "Jeepers Creepers", which turned out to be a scary movie later, which still makes no sense, and "Ginkeys." What "Ginkeys" means is beyond me? I am not even sure if it is spelled correctly. In either case, it was great to get smiling faces from the kids!

Other than parents and the terrible twos, the only thing that I really dislike about my job are the 80's computers. You know when we had that Y2K scare, these were the computers they were talking about. So far, I have found that every PCA location has their very own old system. The first layer of dust from 1990 still looks very new on these computers. Of course, I do not know who thought of it, but their are three different systems linked together at one store. An 82 Apple computer, a 92 Mac, and a band new Dell for the register. I am sure you are wondering as much as me. How did they do that? I would tell you but there were 13 Ethernet connections and two hundred feet of cable tied together to represent some unseen 3-D art! Well, at least two of the computers match. They both have that wonderful matching white that is now Ivory White with a hint of Pee Yellow. I think they were trying to match their Grandma's Kitchen stove or something. Besides. what fun would it be if we worked with a computer that actually did something quicker than five minutes. It definitely is a great Ice-Breaker for conversations while it is using it's one megabyte that runs on gerbil power!

In either case, my new job as a photographer has been interesting. Maybe, I will be blessed with a system melt down when it is all said and done. Until that time, all I can say is "Ginkeys!"


P.S. I am surprised the Scooby-Doo gang did not invest in a gun after the first monster/ghost!


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