Once Upon A Time In The West.

Today, I walked into a CVS to get a my film developed at a record time at the One Hour Photo Lab. How quick was it? It took the one lady a total of twenty minutes to do that! I was simply amazed about it. And it is moments like these that remind me why I bother to write e-mails like this! Of course, like most places that sell food and drugs that can knock out a horse, I was compelled to go to my favorite section of the store: the Tabloids. Where else can you really get entertainment in News such as there! As usual, I look for the shocking ones that make me laugh. My favorite still to this day was "Two Hundred-Foot Jesus Appears In Washington DC!" But there was an article in it today that hit me personally. There was a guy in it that had written a book about Nebraska. Why? He states in the local tabloids that Nebraska, in fact, does not exist. It starts with the question: Do you know anyone from Nebraska? Please, don't think too hard! So I started asking my friends. No one knew anyone from Nebraska. The only record of this state is the Huskers that beat up some teams in football, and that Bruce Springsteen came out with an album called "Nebraska." So where is this state, and what tourists traps await us there?

With those concerning questions on our minds, I decided to look to Skibicki Research the answers. As the story goes, Nebraska was last seen heading south in the middle of the country, also known as the Midwest. The Midwest was once referred to as the West back in the day before the discovery of mountain climbing. Either way, according to the internet, the state of Nebraska has all the works for being a state. It has a capital and a constitutional government that taxes the few residence of six! They also have their own State Flag, which is a flag. The good news is that they even added extra features to impress the few tourists accidentally lost themselves on their way to Florida. They have two State Mottos, instead of one. They call it "The Cornhusker State" and "The Tree Planting State"! I can see questions! A cornhusker is a person who harvests corn. Of course, every state has lots of corn fields. I guess Nebraska is just a corny state, Ha, Ha! Sorry! Also the "Tree Planting State!" I can understand questioning this. Every time you see the Midwest, it is just a large never-ending field! Tornado Factor! Besides, State Mottoes never make sense like Georgia being the Peach State. I still have never seen a peach grow in Georgia. Of course, they did fight off so other states to get the State Tree as the American Elm! It was a light Tornado Season.

Either way, they do have such quality features such as the State Flower: the goldenrod a.k.a. possible ragweed! They have their State Bird, which is the meadow lark. The even went as far as to have a State Grass on behalf of the lost tourists: Little Bluestem. They actually picked a grass! Their State Insect is the Honey Bee. I have to object to that! I have seen them before. That can't be their's! I suggest that the other states look into this. They are also the only known state to claim the Channel Catfish as the State Fish. Nebraska also has a State Soil. It is not worth mentioning further than that! Their State Soft Drink is Kool-Aid! I did not know that was considered a Soft Drink. They also have a State Beverage: Milk! That explains the Soft Drink. They have a State Fossil: The Mammoth, which was also last seen heading south! Pretty much, that was all the information that Skibicki Research can come up with. The guy who wrote the extremely short essay about the missing Nebraska. It has been found by The Grateful Dead, which played a concert I have in the early seventies. Needless to say, they have no idea how they got there. What a strange trip that had to have been!

Whether Nebraska exists or not, some tabloids have some true to them. This one mentioned a woman who had a two hundred pound tumor removed. So people say that that would be impossible, but it made it on the Health Channel while I was living in Atlanta. So now, I have to question whether there is a Nebraska or not. Maybe, that is where the US military lost the Weapons of Mass Destruction! Just watch out for Nebraska!



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