Holy Cow!

This is an e-mail dedicated to all of the cows in the world making it a better place.

I was sitting at home after a hard day of work when I watched a commercial for California Cows! They had the motto going something like: "A Good Cow is a Happy Cow." I thought it made sense. And though few people ever think about them, cows are great animals that should be respected. That's right. Where else can you find in the world an animal that fit well as a platter at your average dinner table? If you say chicken, that does not count. Chickens are dirty, dirty animals. In either case, cows have it made. And according to the commercial, California Cows are a way to go. Personally, I think it is another addition to the campaign to actually care about California. It is not working.

I would like to introduce my first experience with live cows. Otherwise, it was the first steak dinner I had in Florida when I gained teeth. I found myself being forced into camp at Berry College known as Camp Winshape. It was a youth camp designed for fun sponsored by none other than Chick-Fil-A. They had owned a mountain behind Berry College, which is in North Georgia in the city of Rome, Georgia. You can almost hear the dueling banjos outside of the camp. It either case, it was great. Where else can you go that better preserves the livelihood of cows other than Chick-Fil-A? They actually had cows on campus. That may give you an idea about the surrounding area. I remember it as clear as day. I was walking over to the tennis courts where Ross Cathy, Truett Cathy's grandson or grandson of the founder of Chick-Fil-A, was waiting to beat my ass in that gentleman's game. I had to stop, because of the cows that did not "moo" as often as I thought they should have. So I went to pet one of the happy cows. It was at this point, another happy cow, not from California, came over and licked my leg.

It was strange, but it happened. Cows have tongues like sandpaper, and I wasn't sure if I should file charges for sexual harassment. I thought that it was just too bad I liked beef, because cows are very friendly. But needless to say, I would have more adventures with cows. I still laugh at the campaign that Chick-Fil-A has telling us to eat more chicken.

I decided one Spring Break at Coastal Carolina University to go with my friend, Brian Bailey. Reason, he was from Marietta, Ohio, and I was from Marietta, Georgia. So we thought that was cool. Unfortunately, he ruined the idea with the fact, he was really from Belpre, Ohio. That is very similar to Michael Jackson saying he is still Black! What struck me as interesting was where his house was that he was completely surrounded by cows! They mooed at us as we arrived! Crazy. The crazy thing was watching the cows as I ate hamburgers in their kitchen. The cows watched us. Lucky for me that the cows were dairy cows. They do not seem to mind too much.

That was the first time I was surrounded by cows.

The second time occurred during the Great Flood, I mean, Hurricane Floyd. As I got to my second semester of college, a rather large hurricane stirred up forcing the local residence to bring up Hurricane Hugo, again. It is a constant event. Hurricanes equals Hugo stories! After living there for six years, I was hoping that a Category 17 hurricane would hit South Carolina just to get them off the Hugo subject. In either case, I was forced to leave the area, I was upset about this, because I was willing to watch a hurricane throw my 98 Honda Civic/Go-Kart into my second-story dorm. It would have been a neat way to go? So I took my later-to-be-girlfriend, Denise with me to go to Greenville, SC. It is amazing how green it really is! When we got to our exit, I needed to go to the bathroom, so I stopped at the local Fountain Inn, SC CVS. It was surrounded by cows in the middle of nowhere. I am not sure why. To top it off, I also had to get a key just to use the bathroom with a wooden block attached to it like I was going to steal it. It also had a combination lock, too. Maybe, it was a secret military base?

So as you can see, I have a lot to say about cows. As Skibicki Research goes, I have to tell you that cows are very useful. They supply food in the form of beef and liver. They supply us with milk for our habit on drinking Chocolate milk. And no, there are no chocolate milk cows! Also, we use them for cheese, mushrooms (cow dung), Soil (Also Cow dung), live lawn mowers, Gateway Computer boxes, Car Seat Covers, and Chick-Fil-A campaigns. So there is a lot of uses for cows. And for all of those cow-lovers out there, they are also responsible for the development of Chocolate! Other uses are cow-tipping, bullfights, and decoration. What Skibicki Research also shows is that Florida recently has the most cows finally beating Texas. Now, if they can only beat the Hispanic and Old People population? It happens! So whether it is "Beef: It what's for dinner" or owning a happy cow from California, Mooooooooooo!



Ross Cathy said…
My name is Ross Cathy and I was trying to recall who won our match? If I lost I blame it on the cows and we need a rematch!

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