Give Me That Z.O.L.O.F.T!

I was getting really upset today after a lady cut me off by nearly driving me into a median, which does not respond well to 98 Honda Civic. After a quick prayer and some other words of praise towards the lady driving a BMW, I still did not feel satisfied. So I put in a Ween album to calm down. There are a lot of songs out there and groups that can sooth the soul, but mine is all in one song called Zoloft. For some reason, the beat and carefree sound just does something to me. It is a little different from Pink Floyd, since it does not put me to sleep, but it has character. Maybe, it is one of those songs where you actually feel like you were taking that drug.So what is Zoloft? Zoloft seems to be a drug that chemical balances out the effects of Depression. It is known to help people with Depression, Social Anxiety Disorder, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Panic Disorder, and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. So, pretty much, 90% of Americans need this drug one way or the other. In a way, that does not really answer anything. What seems to be important to me about it is the fact that the product begins with the letter "Z". Sesame Street barely mentioned that letter. Maybe, it is really popular to the public based on the White Depressed Ball on their commercials. We want to be that White Ball! Maybe, it is a Pac-Man fantasy, but we relate to this little ball based on how we feel. Of course, like most commercials, the FDA has forced this commercial to list the side effects to their product. It always amazes me how the drug companies make out with these side effects. Zoloft's side effects may include the following: upset stomach, trouble sleeping, diarrhea, dry mouth, sexual side effects, feeling sleepy or tired, tremor, indigestion, sweating, feeling agitated, and having less appetite. In studies, most people did not have to stop taking Zoloft because of side effects. That is what is listed in on their website. Question: What is a tremor? I thought those were listed under earthquakes? Zoloft is pretty good compared to others though. Some drugs might stop diarrhea, but the side effects is slightly short of Death, which is usually listed as a heart-attack or stroke. After Death, the doctors may suggest that you should stop taking this drug. Right?

But besides, my love for a drug I am not currently taking, Zoloft had made it's name in the Times Union today! Back in the Wonderful World of South Carolina, a fifteen year old boy got a 30 year sentence after murdering his grandparents. Apparently, he said the Zoloft made him do it! Of course, the court did not believe him, because the jury were all White Zoloft Ball fans, but it is still upsetting to hear. Zoloft did not list the "may cause Murdering Side Effects" on their commercial. It will not surprise me if the kid decides to sue Zoloft over that! This is America; it can happen! I am just glad I was not taking Zoloft when the lady cut me off today. According to the case, the boy loaded and shot his grandparents with a shotgun, and torched their house, then drove off in their without being able to control himself. That seems a little far fetched based on the fact that that is a lot of stuff to do while not knowing what you are doing. So I don't think Zoloft is the criminal this time.

But as the world turns, another drug will be made up with the letter "X" to brighten our lives. Side effects may include itching, sexual side effects, cancer, liver failure, strokes, heart attacks, internal bleeding, possible missions in Iraq, and Death. Ask you Doctor about X-Remia today!


P.S. Where in the Hell did Elmo come from? He wasn't originally in Sesame Street?


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