The Nappy Cat Chronicles

As our lives proceed to truck along, so does the Nappy Cat. It just so happens that this story takes place in the dim world of the Internet where the Computer Geek was invented. I mean, really, look at Bill Gates. Of course, as the world turns, no one in high school ever learns. Still to this day, the geek is made fun of when we all know that they are going to be the future bosses or the Makers and Breakers of a company. Of course, now the tables have turned on who is the computer freak. Just within the last few years, the internet has now produced internet bullies. Next, we will see little girls playing internet Barbie! I mean, hey, I am writing on in the internet! So there you have it! Nappy Cat can have adventures on the internet, too.It was another great day, when one of my fraternity brothers decided to step into fame like stepping into a pile of dog dung! It happens! Nappy Cat! Like most things in The Nappy Cat Chronicles, it was just another posting until the site hit a record number of hits. I would love to say it was all about me, but we all know that I am the weight that keeps the plane grounded. Either way, my little fraternity brother decided to place a Beck leak on the site for a total of an hour, but to exaggerate, a few seconds. Needless to say that he changed Rock history quicker than I change my underwear by forcing Beck Hanson to get upset! He may have been crying! I am not a therapist! So the record company decided to call him and ask him questions about how he got the information. We all know my little brothers to be smartasses, so I imagine that he said something like the Post Office as answer. Maybe, that is why the site is still up. Know one dares to mess with the U.S. Postal Worker. Besides, most of them probably bench a couple of people a day!

So now you all know how and why the site was down. It was mailed to the wrong person by the Postal Workers. No, just kidding. But it did cause some alarm to me, David T. Skibicki. I had a dream about it. Of course, like my sexual dreams, I kind of had a dream that was like a Rambo film. It started out that I was in a field with classified papers to tell me where to get a job.. wait, what my mission was. It was to save The Nappy Cat, which sounds
absolutely stupid. Why? This is a dream! Two: that would mean I am rescuing a catfish! In either case, I went through the jungle of Vietnam where all of the guards where dressed in US Postal Uniforms and their leader was none other than Beck Hanson. My only two thoughts was to save The Nappy Cat from the grips of the evil record company and my fear that Beck Hanson is related to the group called “Hanson.” So I went through taking out every guard with stealth speed with a bow and arrow. It was when I got to The Nappy Cat when the Alarm went off playing the song “Loser” as Postal Workers shot at me. I gabbed a carried the 300 pound Nappy Cat/Catfish to the river where, I woke up from this typing stupor, and realized that this is stupid! We will just assume that I save it! Sorry, I put you through the reading!

Either way, The Nappy Cat is saved and back online now. At least, until the Postal Workers find out. But what the leak was all about happened over a future album. Beck had finished another album when he realized that someone had driven by playing a song he finished recording from as early as yesterday. This disturbed him, so Beck hired a guy by the name of Bob or Mervin to do their “Geek Deeds.”, and find his album on the internet. They could have just called me! Definition: Geek Deeds: plural. 1. work done on the computer 2. Snorting when you laugh. 3. See Skibicki, David T. In either way, they found my little brother out and sent the SWAT team to dispose of The Nappy Cat Chronicles. They called him! And after giving away all of the information, The Nappy Cat was let free. Sweet! So that is the story.

Skibicki

P.S. A Special Notice:

1. No Postal Workers took part in this event.
2. Beck Hanson is not related to The Hanson Brothers. Sorry Beck!
3. And sorry for not using your name, Will through out any of this horrid e-mail! (That’s okay Skibicki. I don’t want to be affiliated with your awful site anyway )

I am sure that all of you couch potatoes out there have seen the commercial where a lady mistakenly thinks another fellow shopper is pregnant. She then asks how long it is until the baby is due, and the other lady declares that she is, in fact, not pregnant. According to the commercial, “thank you!” was the best way to fix the problem. Question: what was the product being advertised? What was great about the commercial is the imagination. Creativity is on the rise, and with that, I am still too weird for the public! But I can say “thank you!” I also like the fact that the commercial did not show the incredible ass-whippin’ the lady got for assuming she is pregnant.I think this new commercial movement of weird has to do with one thing: everyone is getting boring. Let’s look at the past events in our lives. Everyday, we get to watch another round of Iraqi news. Another person bites the dust over our unofficial interest in oil. We watch twenty thousand car commercials on T.V. that show a new car that might have the difference of a one degree angle on the design compared to last year’s model. George W. Bush is president. Need I say more! Then, there are the commercials in our lives. If you did not know, Geico Direct has made a killing on weird commercials. They know what they are doing. You can buy a bunch of bananas, when in that time, you could be saving hundreds in car insurance. You may laugh, but I think of those commercials once a day. You probably do, too! Why? Because it is not normal. I heard a five year old talk about car insurance in Subway during my lunch break yesterday, and she did not own even a Barbie Car! Car insurance has turned into God recently. Remember the Weird Commercial with Miller Genuine Draft. You don’ t see those anymore, because beer is BEER! Samuel Adams has been trying the same route.

Sam Adams! There is a story about it already. I was looking for a part time-full time job when I went into a mall in Georgia. In North Point Mall, I ran across an old lady who asked me to do a survey about beer. What a terrible thing to do during an afternoon of job shopping. So I took the survey, and followed her to the office. Inside, I had to watch a commercial and judge it. Simple. It took an hour. To show how much the Samuel Adams campaign was failing, they paid me $7.00 to tell them what I thought about the music, design, thought, beer, whether Johnny Appleseed was involved, and anything else you can imagine. Just keep it to yourself, please! Their problem, beer is beer. No matter how you look at it, we are still going to drink it as much as we had before, unless they come up with a pill that gives us beer tolerance. That would be a stupid product!

So Geico has taken the market, and they touch everything from Chester the Cheetah to The Days of Our Lives. They can do this, because it is insurance. In America, the best business in the world is insurance. It is free money that our government allowed them to take. It is the second tax. You just tend to notice it in different states. I have Nationwide. No reason, I just do! In South Carolina, I only paid for liability which has never really been defined. Liability is like the Michael Jackson of insurance policies. So I paid them $400.00 every six months. In Georgia, I pay the same thing, but now I can burn my car down, a tree can fall on it, everyone in my car can die legally, and my car can be struck by lightning. “Thank You!”

So I am hoping to find a Graphic Design firm that would take my personality, my vision, and then, maybe, I can make weird commercials for my own business: Death & Taxes. It is a tax firm and a funeral home in the same building. I think the it will be a successful venture, if I could only stop paying car insurance! “Thank You!” fucking Geico!
Skibicki

P.S. I think the best Geico commercial was the first one with the gecko begging for people to stop calling him. Besides, Australians cheapen the commercials. Sorry for those down under. Americans suck at imitations!