The Nappy Cat Chronicles

First off, I must say Merry Christmas! It started out for Christmas Eve that it may have been Not-So-Merry Christmas, because I was scheduled to work. Really, it was fine for me at that point, because most of this Christmas shoppers had been pleasant. No one have started any fights or stabbed someone over something like the famous Tinkle-Me-Elmo product. As the saying goes, Christmas can bring the worse out of people. Why? People had spent the whole time caring that they forgot to care. The big thing of this whole year in Health issues has been reduced to one word: Stress. It, like most retail products, has been the new fad and excuse for everything under the sun. Of course, it is not like there was ever any real stress before that! The good news is that everyone listens to the Health Experts like the Weather Channel, so people have been usually nice. Where is the exception? Christmas Eve day!I went to work with the surprise of lots of traffic at North Point Mall. I am convinced that if they were open 24 hours a day, traffic would still be a problem at two in the morning. The big reason for this traffic mess is based off two lights and a Toys’R'Us. That darn Jeffery the Giraffe screwed things up big time! If there is anyone that can use the “stress” word with no guilt, it is the employees of Toys’R'Us. I see them on their lunch break as mutes. They refuse to talk, because they experience their job. I think it is a shame. I remember when Toy stores were a fun place to be. Even now, they are fun! Maybe, it is just me, but us guys tend to show our inner childhood when we see toys. I had seen it everyday. The new rave this year was air guns that shoot plastic bee bees. Half of the fathers say it is for their kids, but as the day progresses, it is their wives who bring them back, because the fathers take them to work to shoot each other in between cubicles. And wives cannot have immature husbands! But as the Christmas Season rolled on, parents everywhere using the word “stress” had been taking their “stress” out on Toys’R'Us employees. So to watch them possibly crack a smile was as rare as seeing six feet of snow in Tampa, Florida. So if you know someone who works at or know the address to a Toys’R'Us, send them a Get Well card!

As for my experience this last Christmas Eve, it went as follows: Angry People. Last-Minute Shoppers: Second in Command of the Forces of Evil! I am kidding, because they were not all bad. Just most of them! I had the most compelling experience dealing with a lady who demanded to know why Nike charged five dollars more for one soccerball than the other. I could only say that it was about colors. One had more colors than the other. Of course, it is hard to pick which soccerball to get these days, because there is no such thing as a typical Black and White soccerball. Between the time I started High School and ended College, color came into play. My only thought to the lady who was determine to give some Hell over a decision was to ask Nike about it!

Then, there are the phone calls. Anyone who is willing to answer a retail phone call has Balls! Most are nice people. But since they are not looking directly at you, they can easily cuss you out with no worries. My best call yesterday was about delivery. A guy did not get is ping-pong table and was determined to blame me. It just happened to be that he really ordered it from another company on the internet. But I think he felt better after yelling at me. So in a nutshell, it was “Stress” relief. I am glad that I am an unofficial social worker. It is what makes working Christmas Eve fun! Anyway, so when in doubt, peace out! Christmas is suppose to be fun!

Skibicki

P.S. If you happen to have to return something, be nice! Us retail workers are experiencing “stress”!

After turning 18 on July 2, Linday paraded around like a slut (Paris Hilton-style) for the rest of 2004, much to the delight of the paparazzi who followed the singer/actress around like a defense pursuing running back Michael Vick. Publicly, she appeared on 60 Minutes wearing nothing more than a bikini. Recently, the tabloid rumor mill has churned out charges of breast reduction and her father’s 28 day rehab sentence. Perhaps this Entertainment Weekly cover, reminiscent of Demi Moore’s Striptease cover, introduces a new “grown-up” side of Lindsay, ushering in the possibility of topless scenes and softcore porn once her singing/acting career begins to falter. Or maybe she’ll just end up on the WB.

Ladies and Gentlemen:It has come to my attention that the newspapers like to make the news as they go along. We all know it, but never address it. Example: there was that reporter in Iraq that pretty much told the Iraq Military where the next troop movements where going to be. He say it was an accident, but really, we all know that news like CNN and Channel 2 Action News likes to start things. The most recent statement in the news went out towards the Ukraine where they listed their election problems as a possible “New Cold War”. Why would anyone want to do that?! The World has had enough problems dealing with the Cold War in history. But what they showed was the peaceful demonstration of the Ukrainian people placing flowers on the riot control guards. It almost has a reminder of that movie called the Sixties where the Flower Children or Hippies did the same thing. Of course, they were all dropping Acid on a daily bases, and did not know their foot from a rake in the yard! In both cases, the flourists must have made some money! At least the Ukrainians have a point!

The greatest news stories still come from Iraq. Iraq this! Iraq that! Iraq likes ice cream! Everything is a big deal in Iraq. Remember reading history stories in High School where big news events where like 5,000 people killed in combat in some Third World Country! Now, the news focuses on three or five people killed. Don’t get me wrong! I am not happy it is happening, but it seems like “No News is Good News!” I am Right? I think of the movie The Matrix makes the best statement about this. Agent Smith says that the first Matrix was a perfect paradise, but people just would not except it. It had no good ratings. If the newspaper started it’s front page with “Fluffy the Wonder Dog Saves Little Boy From Buring Building”, no one would buy it. It would have to say “Fluffy The Wonder Dog Eats Little Boy After Starting A Fire!”newpapers would fly out the door on behalf of Fluffy the Angry Bitch! People like violence and problems. That is where Math came from. Do you honestly think that people came up with Math as a tool. It really appeared out of boredom. It was peace time, so a couple of guys got together and invented imaginery numbers to cause mental problems. Go figure!

So God Said, “Let there be Tabloids!” The only news that serves the public with entertianment! They have class and style, and stupid people believe them. Where else in the news can you find “Bat Boy” serving his country with the same picture where he is terminally two! Such titles like “Two-Hundred Foot Jesus Appears At The White House!” or “John Denver Came From Area 51!” just excite me! Though, it is not real, it is not a depressing. Call it childish, but I am tired of hearing about Iraq or how everyday, another twelve people ae found murdered. I guess I’ll have to wait until the last half the news on T.V. It is the only time it gets positive. That and the Weather!

“Ten Thousand Skibicki Worshippers Take Over Atlanta For His Birthday!” film at eleven!

Skibicki

That’s IT! Christmas Cheer! I want to buy a gun. I know what you are all thinking: I lost it, but it is for a present. As interesting as it sounds, my father has been mentioning guns for some reason. I would not have considered a month earlier, since he was struggling with finding a job as well as me. But he has been saying something about it. Reason to case, a couple of nights ago, my family got frightened by a noise. It was some Black guy trying to break-in into my household. I also believe it was the same guy testing my car earlier that ran away. For whatever reason, I did not mention to my dad or sisters, so the BAD GUY came for my house! Crazy!

Which brings to an Atlanta story on bad people. These are true events, but consider how effective they were. One summer, a guy decided to go on a break-in spree, because he has nothing better to do in the summer. But it bothered Police on what he would do! Well, of couse it did, since we pay them to be bothered! Anyway, this guy would walk in unlocked front doors, and take stuff even if you were home. How? If you saw him, he would say “sorry” , and WALK out of the house like it was no big deal. One would think that he would have been arrested on the spot, but people would be so shocked, they would respond like deer. Stiff as a board, and confused. But what was interesting, is that he was nice and walked away, even when he was carrying stuff out. So the Cobb County Police had a dilema: Not only did they have to be bothered, but they had to arrest a nice guy. They also had to work. It is a real problem when Police have to work, but it happens. So how fast did they find this guy? Two months. The DMV people could have been more effective in finding him. They look for the nice people to ruin their day! At least he was nice.

But bad people are not always mean. They just have mean results or they are bad cooks. If you have heard recently, two middle school girls decided to be nice and cook something special for their teacher and classmates. It happened to have glue and tabasco sauce in it causing the Sanitary Engineer (Janitor) to get busy! Needless to say, their plan back fired, one is in jail for her protection and the other is out of school. You may ask why jail would be protection? Simple, no one died, so they would definitely remember her. Another problem happened at a local college where girl roomates did not see eye-to-eye. So one girl decided to give her roomate’s Orange Juice an extra kick. She may have been thinking of making her a Screw-Driver? But instead of Vodka, she used Chlorox Bleach. It send the girl to the Hospital instead of class. This interesting tale ends with a twist, the guilty girl stayed out of jail, and the victim stayed two doors down from her in the same hall. I would hate to be the replacement roomate. I’m sure she layed some ground rules like “no Chlorox allowed in the room!”

But this is a pesonal story, Christmas served it’s purpose for one guy. He got a free car. How was this bad? It was ours! Back in the day, when it was just my dad, my brother, and me, we went shopping. You can imagine a group of guys shopping for guys at a mall. It is very similiar to Opera having a sex change. It would be weird, even though it could be a possible? We were single men surrounding buy busy shopping women. I think I was ten! In either case, we left Rich’s to discover we were not rich, and now car-less! Someone had taken the crappy 1980-something Oldsmobile to go joy-riding. So we talked to the police officer who really did not care to be there, and told him what was taken. In the end, we got the car back three days later. What I can’t understand is why they took my school books? They were not that interesting.

So to get back to guns, my dad has been making serious jokes about it. (Definition: Serious Joke: Noun. 1. A joke made to be funny, but with a point. 2. Or a point given with jest!) He said it would be useful for Homeland Defense. We all had heard this term before! President George W. Bush refers to it everyday. So I guess it is not a Serious Joke, because it never works! Unless you live in Switerland. Everyone is in the Military there! So get this, a shotgun at your local Sports Authority costs about $200.00. Yes, that is dirt cheap. Another $200, and I can get an AK-47! The thing that gets me for buying it is a statement made. Another Serious Joke, my step-mom said. She said not to get a gun, because she would probably shoot David. That’s me! I guess what bothered me was the missing magic word “Accidentially.” That and she may be mad at me if I get it! But I have a closing argument! The cheap shotgun is labelled “Home Defense”, so it must be good against accidents. I am sure I will win! That was not a Serious Joke!

Skibicki