Return Of The Knights That Go "Beep".

Well, it is officially the first day of work for me in the State of New York. I have once again returned to the Crimson Knights called RGIS Inventory Specialists. It is not like they are the Rutgers or anything, but it is work. I guess I am slightly proud of it. It means that I can say that I am not jobless. Of course, I am sure that everyone was expecting something a little more upgraded like becoming a leader in the United Nations or something important. It has not happened yet, though. I guess what I am really happy about is that I was finally transferred from the RGIS in Kennesaw, Ga. It has taken the Inventory Specialists a total of three weeks to get me completely transferred. It must have been a truly difficult task like if they we setting up the Iraq Elections. But after much discussion, they decided that I was in their inventory for employment after all.So today, I strapped on the 1970's audit machine to my body expecting all sorts of problems with it. They are like most computers: slow! But I had no real problems! The only thing I could say was "This socks!" based on the baby socks I had to count. I had my first inventory with a Kohl's store starting bright and early at 7a.m. Normally, this would be considered rather late for RGIS. They usually base their inventories on the Rooster Cycle. Questions? A Rooster Cycle is when a rooster wakes up and starts to crow. If you are wondering what the average rooster cycle is, there really is none. It was once determined by cartoons that roosters wait until the crack of dawn to wake up the neighborhood. If you believe this, you are sadly mistaken. After one experience with a rooster at my friends house, I realized that roosters have no sense of time, and equally hate everyone. To the rooster, you are all equally worthless! So most inventories can be anywhere from 4am to 2am, depending on the manager's social life of that particular retail store. There is always a loser manager who wants nothing more than staying for overnight inventories. So in a way, RGIS is a kind of social gathering for those managers.

In any case, I felt that I fit into the new RGIS based off the niceness of the other employees. We took our time, and counted such wonder things like bras, panty hose, baby socks, and the retail favorite: the Clearance Section! There was a thousand pleasant little "beeps" echoing throughout the store amongst the customers that could not tell a broomstick from a pot hole. But the best thing is how nice the store managers are. After all, we are their social life. No, really they are pretty nice, because we have the Power in the store. If you are a manger of a retail store, you know this. I remembered that every retail job I had had two visits that scattered my local managers in a panic. They were Head District Managers whose job is still undefined to this day! So let's define them! District Managers are stress managers who amplify the stress levels of the retail slaves, I mean, workers to near chaos for the Company President's pleasure! Well, dive into it a little deeper some other time. The other major panic is us, Inventory Auditors. We have the power to bring the first mentioned party back to visit! It is true! I have seen a lady that worked for another inventory company at Lowe's that cussed out the Store Manager without any action taken against her! It was great! Some Store Managers deserve these things when the mistreat other people. My point is that we can get angry, and suddenly add 3,000 bolts to your inventory instead of 30 based on how nice you are. But I am not that evil. Just don't tell them that!

So the local Kohl's of Schenectady, NY got zapped by fifty Buck Rogers wannabes today, and I think it went well. I cannot say much for the store manager! I do not know that results of the inventory. Just remember that us Auditors are counting! Beware retail workers or Captain Chaos will visit dressed as a District Manager!


P.S. Why couldn't the local farmers have ducks instead of chickens and roosters? They aren't as loud and taste good!


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