When Ferrets Rule The Earth.

Though, today's topic sounds like a Talking Heads title, I just wanted to share some information that everyone should know about pet licenses. Why would anyone care? For most people who have a dog or cat already know about it, but this is a precaution to those who might want to own a ferret. Since my declaration about moving to Albany, New York, my dad thought it would be a nice idea to bring home part of the classifies for me to find a job in. He happened to bring the classified section from the local paper up there called "Times Union." It has a real ring to it, doesn't it? Though, I did not find too much on job offers, I did get to read about ferrets. So what is a ferret? I ferret is a weasel-like animal that looks like a weasel that acts like a cat and dog rolled into one. I know what you may be thinking, but trust me, it is a smart animal. Their purpose in life is simple: to steal every possible shiny object in the modern household.....and to give love!

Anyway, back to the Times Union Classified section. On the front page, they had two brothers who call themselves "Cash" and "Carry." If you remember back in the day, there was a grocery store called Cash And Carry. It always sounded like a bank heist policy. Either way, a poor man went to get a license for his cat/dog to make a joking comment about his ferret. It was then that the lady who was issuing his animal license did not laugh, and threaten to call Animal Control over the ferret. Or maybe, the ferret joke was mistaken for sexual harassment. In either case, Cash and Carry got a letter asking about such extreme world issues, such as Ferret Control. According to the Ferret Control people, some states have you register your ferret in their state, because it would be breaking the law if you did not. I had never heard of someone getting arrested over this, but you never can tell. Not only was this shocking to read, but in the states of California and Hawaii, they are outlawed! The little fury friends are not allowed in those states. Maybe, California feared that the ferrets would escape and borrow into a fault line, which, in turn, would sink Southern California into the ocean. I can see that, but who cares! The only thing I would miss is Rice-A-Roni, the San Fransisco Treat! In either case, Southern California may support wild ferrets, but not in the northern part of the state. In case you did not know, California does not look like the T.V. show, "Chips" everywhere you go.

But for you animal fans out there, I do not want to discourage you. Ferrets are friendly despite their desperate need to steal your car keys, and hide as pirate treasure. My brother, Mike, once had a ferret. I got to see it, and pet-sit it for a week. I thought it was the coolest thing. The only problem with it was the fact that my step-mom, Miss Laura did not want such things in the household. It was bad enough when she found a turtle swimming in the washing machine. That is a whole other story. So Mike and I kept in a secret like a James Bond film. And it was close, too! As cool as ferrets are, they are also quick. If you have never seen one before, watch or rent the movie, Beast Master. Their bodies are like snakes, and so, they bend easily. One day, during that week, our secret plan of having the ferret in our household almost failed. As I opened the door to my bedroom, the ferret ran out. Of course, as any ferret does, it ran strait to the first person who he knows hates ferrets, Miss Laura. It is a ferret thing! With a possible winning tackle of the ferret on the hallway floor, I prevented the ferret's need to "meet and greet" my step-mom. And yet, another success story!

But what was nice about having the ferret around the house is its need for love. Ferrets love people. They like attention, and depend on it. Some people look at dogs like this, but who really wants their dog to sit on your head while you sleep. Unfortunately for my brother, his ferret ran outside. For all we know, his ferret is terrorizing Statesboro, Georgia. Either that or it is in Southern California undermining a fault line or eating holes in the walls of Julia Roberts house. Either case, just make sure you get a license for your threatening ferret. 'Til next time, "squeak!"



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