Driving Over Ms. Daisy (Part II) The Largest Fraternity In The World!

As I was saying in the last episode of Driving Over Ms. Daisy, I like to think of road trips as a game. Since I have travel most all my trips alone, I have to do something with my time. I had covered all the people who religiously slow me down on the Autobahn, I mean, I-20: Old men, Lefties, Trucks, and Road Monitors. But the most important one I almost forgot! This Episode is dedicated to the working men and women of the Highway Patrol whose service is to take our money for going too fast on a highway that you can obviously go even faster on. Their mission seems to be to quell the largest Fraternity of the world: Speeders! And it is easy to get into this fraternity, you just have to go seven miles over the speed limit. There are no dues, unless you are caught. Then, you have to go the Wonderful World of Court! I do have a complaint, though! Why can't my court room look as awesome as the ones in Law & Order? I feel I have been cheated! At least, get out of the seventies look!I have been pulled over several times for speeding. I am not proud. I am not upset, either. The first one I got pulled over for was speeding at 62 mph in a 45 in Myrtle Beach. At the time, my friend Brian Bailey wanted to see if he could fit in the truck of my car, which was a 98 Honda Civic. Why, you may ask? It was a college thing! Why else do you hear stories about goatnapping, waterwars, and keg parties? In either case, we had just finished let Bailey out of the trunk of my car and were on our way back to campus. The lights started to flash, and I was scared. Grant it, it was just a ticket, but all of my friends from Georgia where all arrested by the South Carolina State Troopers. So I got out of the car only to ask the officer if my car was going to be searched like an idiot. The cop looked at me weird and asked if I had any alcohol of illegal drugs in my car. Like I was going to answer "yes"! In the end, I went to the Conway Traffic Court to see at least thirty people that were in some of my classes in there. I pled "Guilty" and payed some dues.

It was the second one that was really scary like the movie Deliverance. Down the deepest Eastern part of I-20, there is an evil place. A place of bad luck. Someplace of horror similar to the Twilight Zone. Disney World! Wrong road! It was called Florence, South Carolina a.k.a Hell! Every time I passed that place, I get car problems, I am broke, lose something, or expect something else. And I always seem destined to be there. Hell that is! I had my best girlfriend from Florence, South Carolina. I currently listening to one of my favorite bands, The Drive-by Truckers from Florence, Alabama a.k.a Hell times two! And I have a good friend who called himself the Chief Demon. So I guess I must like Hell! In either case, my second ticket was scary enough. For those of you who might have got to meet Heath Billingsly, you can understand why this happened. Most stupid things that happened in Georgia with me seemed to involve him. He was stalking my girlfriend, and I told him that I hate his wife, so we are good friends. I am amazed we still talk! For whatever reason, I bought him to college for a week. It was fun and entertaining. But it is Heath! On the way back to Georgia, we have to pass through Florence. Normally, we would have seen at least twenty cops on the way to Florence, but the Flow was light. Anyway, with that in mind, Heath said that he scared them away. Directly after that statement, I cop came to pull us over. I thought that I could kill Heath for it, but murdering someone in front of a police officer tends to be a bad thing! It was when she got out of the car when I felt terror! It was a female cop who was built like Hulk Hogan who approached the car. She asked if I knew how fast I was going, and I replied whatever she felt like saying it was. I got my second ticket!

And wouldn't you know it, I have to go to Florence to pay the ticket. The trip was easy involving a jar of dimes for gas and the will of power go to another courtroom that deserves to be on an episode of Monster House or Trading Spaces. It is no wonder that judges do not care for their job. Since they now have easy access to Martha Stewart, maybe, we will get a better looking courtroom in the future. Anyway, that trip wasn't too bad. I discovered that they 20 oz. Pepsi for 50 cents. It was then after discovering such cheap Pepsi and deeply loving a girl from Hell a.k.a Florence, that maybe, it was an okay place. As AC/DC sang, "Hell Ain't A Bad Place To Be!"

Besides, the fact of ticketing, I rather enjoy searching for cops on my way back and forth to places. It is was makes the journey of driving a little dangerous and exciting. Who knows, I may be on an episode of COPS! At the rate things are going, I won't. They put a fence in the median of the highway in South Carolina. Not to tell them that was a stupid thing to do or anything, but now, I do not have to worry about cops crossing over the median to catch me. It was just a thought. I guess no one watches Smokey And The Bandit anymore! So for those who were speeding today, welcome to the club! I hope you made a record time. Just be safe about it!



Popular Posts